Nothing but the Gas Face!!
Well, this is familiar territory, I have missed you my blog!! Alright, this blog will be written to the good ole sounds of 3rd Bass.
Let's jump right in with both paws, I must say that being away for awhile gets the mind going a bit so pardon the length of my Johnson.........I mean my blog. Well, something really set me off the other day (I know, odd) when I was being the TREMENDOUS FAT BODY that I am and watching Sportscenter. They were doing a pointless 5 part piece on Video Games. C'mon, its bad enough to do a 1 part piece but a fucking 5 part piece is like kicking yourself in the balls and then wanting to do it over and over but only sticking a catheter up your Urethra between turns. I know, SAT word, but get off MY NUTS, I have some smarts!!! They talked about some Shitbag who went around the world making money by beating people at video games, which is respectable, I guess. Which part makes me more mad, the fact that he gets paid to do that, or the fact that it isn't my job!!!! Now, the thing that royal chapped my ass was that they actually had the audacity to call this fucking 5'8 110 pound CreamCake Fucko an athlete.......... (deep breath) C'mon, this has gotta be the biggest travesty in the history of sports other than breaking your leg in a chess match because the guy made a great move (thanks Gilbert). Calling this guy an athlete is like saying that Oriental's drive well, or that I have a small nose that is proportionate to my face....obviously 2 things that just aint true. Yeah, he is an athlete, an athlete of being a fucking jackass and taking it in the rear, "how about I give you 3 schillings, and you foget the name". Why does America over use the word Athlete. To me, an athlete is someone who can do more than 1 thing, or who can play multiple sports and not look like the retard who comes out to the BBall court, with his shorts pulled up to his tits, shirt tucked in, white mid-calf socks, dribbling with both hands. Not Someone who looks good playing baseball or football only to then come out to the golf course and wrap his own club around the tree and take a divot big enough to act as a blanket for our friend DJ. Someone who looks natural or takes a short time to adjust to a new sport but in 3 or 4 months looks like he or she has been doing it for years. A horse is an athlete??!! Jesus, next thing you know they will hold an Ant Olympics and have John Madden drawing circles and saying "BOOM" on a magnifing glass.........Ant's can carry 10 X's more than their body weight, NEAT.....WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN BASSEL???
Ahhhh the joy of cell phones. Have you ever thought that there is some Great Big Fat person (said in the voice of Buffalo Bill) that sits there with no job other than to monitor when you are talking about something important and just then elimates the reception bars so your phone hangs up in your ear. I fucking can't stand that, ask my phone, which explains the crack down the middle of the face.....Hey Buddy Rydell any room in the anger management class??? It's like there are spots of this world that are just anti cell phone, and it only seems to be 1/2 sq. foot of wherever the fuck I AM AT. Shit will be at full strength, only to go to 1 little ass bar then cut me off, then back to full when I take it away from my ear and look at the screen............DAMN YOU SCUBA STEVE!!!! Does it make you feel like Pig Pen from Peanuts, where the dark dust cloud just follows you wherever you go, or is it just me? Show yourself Architect!!!!
Does the world just feel like a shittier and shittier place to live?? Whatever happened to people holding doors for someone, or saying excuse me when you walk by or around someone? I am standing in front of the fire station on Sat., in full fire gear mind you, just getting back from saving some poor jackass' house from a grass fire. Now, I am in the middle of the sidewalk, and here comes LuLu and Javier Sanchez with their 45 kids and 65 strollers, you would think that someone out of the tribe would say excuse me but.......................NO, I get turned in all directions like I was a pinata at one of thier kids Bday Fiesta's, only to get mean mugged by Javier and half the litter!! Are you joking me?? Is their no personal space anymore?? Hey, sorry I have invaded your little corner of Mexico, and sorry that if something happens to your Adobe, I will be welcomed with open arms in order to save the hut!!! I guess we have to dress up like the Pope and drive around in a bulletproof golf carts grabbing childrens butts to gain a bit of space and/or respect from people. Shit, I have seen people at Hot Dog on a Stick, and the Ice Cream Vendors with the portable fridge strapped to their bikes get more respect. That is when the term "Eat shit and die, Fuckstick" seems very subtle.
Did anyone else hear Tony Soprano use that word on Sunday, what a great thing. I should have copyrighted that shit a while ago!!!
Isn't it funny to watch Black people laugh at a comedy show?? It looks like they have just been hit with the Electric Paddles from the EMT trying to restart the ole' ticker. People jumping out of their seats, throwing their arms up in the air like they were trying to re-enact the Wright Brothers first flight. Tommy Davidson said it best when he mentioned that Black people always have to make a production out of whatever they do. Ever notice how a Redneck, or a Latino sings the National Anthem? Straight and to the point, around 3 minutes. You get Lequitta up there and it turns out to be a full length album with new lyrics and note carries that last longer than a fucking Twinkie, song length - 23 minutes :07 seconds, just for the first verse.
"You got a fucking dart in your neck man!!"
Eric "Pete" Nose
