Irky Waters

Are you joking me, I just read something that made me want to vomit, and it is only 7:25am and I am totally sober!! I saw that 6 US Army troops are to be court marshalled for the unfair or abusive treatment of Iraqi prisoners at a prison near Baghdad. This is absurd, hey, lets not forget about the 4 Americans that were tortured, then mutilated, then dragged behind a car through towns much to the delight of patrons watching on like it was Pamplona and dumb Spaniards were running from the bulls. Are we that damn soft now, do we need to be PC about every God Damn thing? Those prisoners are probably enjoying a better life than our soldiers who are putting their asses on the line everyday, wondering when they might get hit in the head with a rock (RTB) or ambushed by a runaway fiat that has enough C4 to blow up 2 Twin Towers......oh wait, that already happened, and here is us, Big America, the biggest and most powerful country arguably in the history of this world, yet we sit back and let our soldiers die yet throw up our protest signs and court marshall the very same soldiers that our government forces trained. Did I miss something? I know there are unwritten rules to war, which to me is a fucking joke, but we train our soldiers to kill with not only weapons, but with thier hands. We turn them into killing machines, but we don't realize that they are also still human beings with feelings. Seriously, those 6 soldiers should get medals not court marshalls. I'm tired of all the people who say 2 wrongs don't make a right........you know what, in my opinion they do, and you try telling that to the people who lost their lives or loved ones on 9/11 or thourought this war. I bet you the same fucking hippies that walk the streets with their "Make Love not War" posters and "Stop the War in Iraq" would be holding up completely different signs if one of their own was murdered in the line of duty, I don't know maybe a sign that said "Destroy those Rock Throwing Bastards" and "Nuk the shit outta em'!!" Seriously, when we capture Osama Crap Laden, we should bring him here and just let him walk the streets of New York, then no one can say that we shouldn't treat him bad or killing him won't solve anything. I would love to strap a camera on him as he walks through Harlem or Little Italy or any of the 5 Burroughs, I think then he would realize that a) his life is about to be over & b) he fucked with the wrong country.

I have always said that, and strictly my opinion, that they need to send out a message. A message telling everyone not involved or not supporting the bullshit that these cowards do, to migrate to another place because the next package delivered is about to be 4 nuclear bombs dropped right smack dab in the middle of that place. What kinda fighting do they teach these people over there: "Okay, today we will learn the art of attaching a bomb to your back and the proper technique of blowing yourself up" or "If you pick up a good sized rock, it can make an excellent weapon" or "When mailing something, make sure to put that white powder in it, because remember, we are all bitches and can't fight face to face." I got a better plan, put Saddam and Crap Laden in a room with me and the Clic and have them match us drink for drink or shot for shot, that is a good execution and fairly cheap, and if they pop off, I'm sure one or all of us could oblige them with a few right hooks and some size 12's, or in Ray's case a size 4, to their temples, of course that would only be after we get them tatted up with RTB on their foreheads!!

Ever noticed how most of the people, of course not all, that protest, never had any relatives, ancestors, or immediate family ever fight in combat for the same country that allows them the freedom and fights for the freedom that they protest under. I believe Cl. Nathan R. Jessup said it best when: "I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom that I provide and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said "thank you" and went on your way. Otherwise I suggest you pick up a weapon and stand at post. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to."

Really, can I say much after that quote?? All I know is that it is hard to stay afloat in IRKY WATERS!!!

Cl. Eric D. Jessup

Sometimes....Just Because

Sometimes you just want to down a 5th of Vodka like Eminem said and dare yourself to drive to actually feel what it would be like to .............um die!! Sometimes I just want to down a 5th of Vodka to a) see if I would instantly pass away while finishing the last bit and b) to see if I could actually throw up a inner organ, just because.

Lets sit here an analyze all of the absolute crap that gets on our airwaves in terms of Rap. I use the term rap, because a) it ryhmes with Crap and b) calling these guys "artists" makes me sick to my stomach. Lets take for instance our first pile of absolute shit: Puff Daddy. Now, I will give the man his props for making the money he has and getting off his ass and doing something good, and running a successful business and that is it. That is where my extended handshake rifles back like my Consigliari's elbow tendon. Here is a bit of advice for him "SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!" Dude, seriously, dont rap................at all, your ryhmes are about as creative as a Christopher Reeve drawings. For all of you hating on me, because you claim that I am hating. Like I said, respect for the money is there, but nothing else. If you really enjoy hearing raps that sound like nursey ryhmes, then you might as well, grab the 8 track player and put back in your Barry Manilow songs.

Humpty Dumpty,
He was an egg,
He fell down
and broke his leg

Re-mixed to the Jack in the Box song

I mean seriously, the only reason that he became successful, in my eyes is because he played the role of Tarzan while swinging from Biggie Smalls' nuts. Hey whatever happened to Master P, Trimaine??

Here is my list of Top 5 POOP (this will be an actual official list in Rolling Stone magazine) that Radio DJ's call "hip hop"
1. P-Diddy - Ultra Coca
2. Master Poop - I think the name says it all
3. Mace - Someone should have stuck him back in the cannister
4. Ja Rule - Hey 2 Pac is back..............oh wait, just a pile of crap that has a horse voice
5. Will Smith - I mean c'mon, at least the other guys represented or were in affiliation with "Hip Hop" stars, but Will Smith???!! How about I get jiggy with my foot and stick it up your ass!!!

Okayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy, as Little John says, who is also ultra poopie!!!
Enough about that, have you ever noticed how people actually treat gays? Why is it that society looks upon these people as if they are some radical division of a religion?? I mean, since when did a guy sucking some other guy off compare to Hitler killing all kinds of Jews??? I don't sssssee Christopher Lowell leading a march into the Nation's Capital looking to start some political coop to overthrow the Democracy and turn America into a Fagist government. Just a thought.........that doesnt make me gay does it??!! ahhhhh who I am kidding, I ssssssweat to the Oldiesssss with my man Richard Ssssssimmonsssssss and Jeff Garccccccia.

Speaking of Religion, oh boy... here I go, what the hell gives people the right to tell someone else what they believe in?? Just because someone does not believe in the same EXACT things that you do, does that really justify someone looking down on them? I mean, lets think aobut, seriously think about it. Are you really as religious as you think? Do you really think that there is a place that you go and a person that sits above the clouds waiting for you with open arms? Shit, I hope so, but sometimes you gotta take Religion for what it is. A belief, or comfort, to someone who afraid of what is going to happen after they die if anything. Isn't that a more accurate assesment? People living their lives by the Bible hoping to one day knock on the Pearly Gates of Heaven to be taken by Angels and sit in the clouds and watch over the world. I mean, if I knocked on the door God would probably laugh at me, poop on my head, give me a bottle of St. Ides and tell me to go to Hell, literally!! To me, and this is all just my opinion, it is a bottom line thing. You are scared to die, admit it, you wouldn't be human if you weren't. To think, that one day your life will be over and there is the chance of absolute nothingness freaks you the hell out. Shit, I just got freaked out writing this. I am petrified about it. But when I think about what I belive in, it helps. I believe in God, and I believe there is something that happens after death. But I also have questions and doubts about the Bible. Do I really believe that 1 omni-presence built the entire Earth? No, what about the other planets, and the universe, what about Dinasours and Cavemen?? Those both were proven to have walked the Earth yet Adam and Eve spoke perfect English. Who the hell knew to call it English, why didnt they call it Sounds that come out of someones mouth?? So am I to assume that we went from 2 people that spoke perfect "english" to nothing, then to a bunch of club carrying, wife beating people who talk like they had shit in their mouth like Sammy Sosa or Andres Gallaragah. I personally think that God looks down on me with happiness, happiness that I thought that deeply about things that were written. I am not just being a "follower" of everything and believing it, who the hell wants that, we have enough Rock Throwing Bastards in the world who strap bombs to themselves, because some God named Allah said to, and it would make that person great. Uh....did those fuckheads not get the memo about the only drawback to that..................THEY ARE DEAD, NO ONE GIVES A SHIT ABOUT EM. Talk about your everyday genius', I put them right up there with Einstein.

Speaking of Einstein, was he Jewish?? Ever noticed that mostly everytime you heard of him or about him they never really told you what Nationality or Religion he was?? food for thought

I have an idea, I know scary thought. I am going to proclaim myself a God, not in the real God's sense, but why not, we got people in this world with the title of Dr.'s that haven't even stepped foot in a classroom, let alone can spell Hospitel. Dr. Dre, being the easy target there. I am going to be known as God Eric Pini and see how many people follow. At my masses, there will be Nachos and a 2 liter of Booze for everyone to drink at Communion. When I bless something, we all take part in toking up our 2 foot bongs (provided for you) and blowing the smoke out towards the gifts that are to be blessed. You will not be allowed to come into my dwelling w/out taking 2 Southern Comfort shots to the face followed by a beer chaser. When we pray, we pray for our forefathers that never let Prohibition stand and for the Great Man that invented something you can drink that alters your state of being.....or in lamen's terms, fucks you completely up!!!!

You know why...................................JUST BECAUSE!!

"Sherbie doesn't think the Navy still hangs people from Yard Arms"

Lt. Eric Caffey

Word Life

Well, darn it, there is no rest for the weary, isn't that the saying. How about there is no rest for the drunk/alcoholic. Have you ever sat there and wondered how much sleep you have lost in your lifetime cause you were either vomitting profusely into the toilet or just sitting on your bed when the room is spinning like a god damn Tilt-A-Whirl. Sorry just a thought in that came into the bump between my shoulders that one usually refers to as a head, I am sure you are all stupider for listening to that nonsense, but thanks. Ahhh yes, that brings me to the topic of overlooked words. I am going to do a 2 part story on some words that we just dont give enough credit to. Take the word Thanks, for instance. How great of a word is that, there really isn't a response that you can say to someone that clearly means absolutely nothing in terms of an ending. Think about it, I use thanks at the end of all my emails, even if it has nothing to do with jack shit. It is almost like a "free pass" to basically say whatever you want to the person in an email, as long as you say thanks at the end.
To the CEO of another company: "Sir, are you that fucking stupid that you couldnt understand the clear directions that I fucking gave your sorry ass about going to our website? How in Sam hell did you get that fucking gig over there?? CEO should stand for Cocksucker Extrordinar Officer. You really need to suck my balls because that is the only thing that I think you would be good at."

Thanks,

Eric Pini

Seriously, that would probably work, the guy or girl would be so pissed reading that, but once they saw "thanks" they could probably look past it. Someone shits on your shoe, "hey thanks man" someone gives you something, "wow, how thoughtful, thanks". Is it me or is that word one of the greatest yet most pointless word in the English language, right up there with your welcome. Think about that one, are we that egotistical or do we need that much closure, that when we say thanks to someone, we want a "your welcome" back? I remember myself getting pissed about someone who didn't give me a "your welcome" back, like the guy just called my mother a 1-legged whore. Hey your welcome for saying thanks because I thank you for being welcome...WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH US. Ok, back to the thanks bit, here are some ones that can be used at the beginning and ease the blow "Thanks for trying out for us, but your not what we are looking for" or "Thanks for your hard work, but we have to let you go." "Thanks for buying the 8-Ball from me, but I am going to have to take you in now. Listen cocksuckers if you are thanking me and firing me, isnt that some sort of oxymoron, like Jumbo Shrimp?? Thanks, the actual word, has so many uses that is must rank in my top 5 of great words.

CRAP
Now that is one of the all time greats. There is nothing better than saying that word with conviction. "ahhh, that is such fucking CRAP" say it to yourself right now, with major emphasis on CRAP........................................see, it feels good doesn't it, not only does it sound great but it helps relieve stress...."you drive like CRAP, you (enter racial slur)". It also plays nice with other words, Total CRAP, Absolute CRAP, and CRAPASS!!!! All ones that should be in your repatoire.

Those are all quality phrases but nothing like the phrase HorseShit. I am going to have to bring back using these words. Another one that a co-worker really likes, Douchebag, calling someone a Douchebag could be the funniest thing ever. Utter Horseshit, another great phrase that you can apply to almost everything in your daily life. What about BULLSHIT, and Cheesedick. Who knew that words can go in and out of style like clothes. Think about it, there are words you used to use that you dont anymore because they are not "cool", and why is it that the word "cool" as horribly boring as it is, has lasted through the test of time, that word is about as exciting as a German at a Barmitzva (sp??), ah who cares I aint Jewish.

So, think about words that are rarely used anymore and bring em' back, hell if nothing else you will get to see some very interesting looks on peoples faces when you use them.


"He is there so fuckin' much... he should be a stool...............he is treatin' me like half-a-fag over here"

Eric Sorvino

Road Rage - MussoPini Style

Well, since I have started doing this whole commute thing from Patterson (don't ask) to Palo Alto, I have noticed myself being enraged...............................no, not by the drive itself, but of the absolutes asshole shitbirds that can't drive a car, have no business driving a car, yet can't quite figure out how the 2 pedals on the floor work. Then have to wonder why some big nosed Italian is cruising by them with his middle finger up, screaming at the top of his lungs (although of course they can't hear it, so I look like I have Turrett's) looking like he is auditioning for the sequel to Scarface. So many examples, but let me name off a few of my pet peeves that I encounter on the sweet drive called my commute. I know you have all seen this one, some jackass, who of course is on his/her cell phone, cuts you off after a microsecond flash of their blinker, and when you honk and curse at them, they have the nerve to flip YOU off. Now, as much as I like swearing and obscene gestures, this baffles me. First off, it is 5:45am, who in Sam Hell can you be talking to that early, that actually wants to hear from you? Not moms, because those phone calls should have stopped moments you got out of the house and/or college and no longer need someone to bail you out of jail. Definitely not dads, can you imagine (for those who know him) my dad answering......... mother fucking me at 5:45am for calling that damn early, and obviously im not in serious danger because I had time to call. Not anyone from work, because there aint no one there who gives 5 shits what you have to say at the crack of dawn. That usually only leaves one possibility, either your wife or husband, it can't be a boyfriend or girlfriend, cause that isn't even somewhere you should go unless you got a ring weilded on, I mean put on your finger. Now, if a kid is sick or something like that, hey Im all for it, but seriously, 5:45am, remember that next time you see me giving you a kind and gentle look, like, "thank you for cutting me off and pretending that it is my fault." When this happens on the drive home is even more annoying. Hey here is a thought, If you are doing work or talking to someone from work, turn your shit ass around and stay the fuck AT work!!!!

Alright, enough about that, to my next point. Is it me, or should every car on the side of the road have a damn neon sign with flashing lights that reads "CIRCUS IN TOWN or NAKED MEN AND WOMEN INSIDE." That is how everyone treats these incidents, this morning a tow truck is inching its way on the shoulder, not in any lane whatsoever, but of course Cheesdick McGirk and his trusty sidekick Asshole Annie, must slam on their brakes........yeah, like Scotty from the Enterprise is going to beem up the tow truck and place it right in front of them, causing a galatic imbalance where the sun explodes and causes a Tsunami the size of Africa. Ok, a bit much, but you get the point, or what about when a cop is on the side of the road with his/her ass sticking out of the window giving someone a ticket. Yeah, I know, somehow by the power of "1.21 GIGAWATTS" he can transform into an alternate vehicle and chase after you because you are the only person in a group of 123 cars, that are doing the same speed mind you, that can't afford another ticket or are just flat out nervous!!

One more for good measure...............The people, who mind you, see you coming up on their ass and don't move over from the "fast lane." Yes, I know people, interesting concept, don't be afraid to read that sign on the road that actually says "SLOWER TRAFFIC KEEP RIGHT" but alas, the person who is 5 inches from the steering wheel, with a cigarette hanging from their retchid mouth, barely being able to see road, knows down deep that the sign is not directed at him/her. I suggest a guy on the side of the road with the same sign but 5 X bigger that throws it up at crap asses like that. Having no concept of road rules is what this whole mess comes down to, think about it, if the DMV wasn't its own 3rd world country we would have many more safe drivers and/or better drivers. There wouldn't be any traffic if people allowed others to merge and just drove the posted God Damn speed limit!!!! (whole other Blog, lol) Accidents are not caused by aggresive drivers that can actually see and call out when some low budget Impala with a California license plate with a black background is going to cut you off. It's by the ass clown in that Impala who doesn't know the rules or his/her head from their ass. It's when the person doesn't even check there blind spot (hey, no racial slurs here) and just feels like changing lanes and yet have the puzzled look on their face when you welcome them to our country. I really like doing that to people w/ outta state plates on their riders, "Hey fucko, welcome.....YOUR # 1!!!!!"

"You learned the 2 most important rules in life...........look at me.................NEVER RAT ON YOUR FRIENDS & ALWAYS KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT!!!"

Eric De Niro

Meaning of Life

By: Eric Pini, 4/01/04


As I look on my life, and things in my past,
I have to look closely at things that will last.
It is not like the wind that is strong but dies down,
It is not like a bad mood, a smile or a frown.
These are things that end, that have a finish line,
Things that end up pointless when it becomes your time.
Things that make me strong, things I adore,
Things that I embrace and things that ensure.
My life is my own road with many avenues,
These alternate routes that only I have to choose.
They sometimes lead me to cry, to wither or weep,
They sometimes invade my thoughts to the point I can’t sleep.
They also bring me courage, to speak honest and true,
They bring me down the path of something a new.
They test my fortitude of the man I’ve become,
They test my exisitence and where my beliefs have come from.
Without these things, I wouldn’t be the strong man you see,
I wouldn’t look in the mirror, afraid of who might see me.
But without these events I would be alone and afraid,
These things make me who I am and wont allow me to fade.
So when you think of the meaning, of your whole entire life,
Look deep inside yourself and what helps you strive.
It is never the money, the fortune or fame,
It is not even the meaning of your identity or name.
It is the things that I have referred to in this quaint little poem,
The meaning to life, are your FRIENDS, FAMILY, AND HOME!!

A BEAR Market

Well, the Blog has finally allowed one crazy full blooded Italian in here to dissect his own mind and throw some controversy, crazy opinions, and knowledge into the mix of an already impressive line-up from what I have read so far on this web site. I must first off thank the Academy.......... oh wait, I didn't win anything since I won a prize for my 1st grade spelling bee......"OK Mr. Pini, spell The". I personally think that was one of the tougher words of the contest. I do want to give a quick SunnyVale shout out to my Consiglieri, who has opened my pupils to the world of the Blog!! Thank you WORM!! So, why am I here you ask? Political, World, and of course BEARSSSSS issues!!! Why else... being an avid Bears follower every since I could barely utter the word Payton and Fridge (which of course at the time I thought was sooo funny cause that was were all the goodies were) I have decided to open up some retinas and expand peoples knowledge of my up and coming team, plus other issues that I deem worthy of a Blog. I know, right now, if any of my friends are reading this they are saying "oh boy, I don't think that web site knew what it was getting into, and they shouldn't get MussoPini started!!" Sure, you may hear a biased opinion on something, or a strong belief, heck, probably even a few............ok allot of swear words, but hey, I'm a Dego, it's what we do!!

First off, before any Bears yapping, lets talk about how PC this whole country is becoming. What ever happened to the days where you could pretty much say anything and/or do anything (within the law) and not have 7-8 different people telling you how you should properly say something to fit into the "new" diameter of Political Correctness. For instance, me being me, the other day I referred to a person of Asian decent as an Oriental, not meaning anything by it and choosing not to use one of the colorful phrases that people have come up with over the years. Thinking my story would go on without a hitch, I get a 3rd degree burn on my mouth by my friends sister as she raged "Eric, they are not Oriental, Oriental is a food, oh my gosh, can't you say of Asian decent!!" The look on my face must have been a look that one would see if he or she had just walked into his parents bedroom at age 19 to see your dads ass out of the covers and your mom laying under him!!! YEAH, I KNOW, not a pleasant site. I mean are you kidding me with that. Needless to say my story, was shot to crap. Is this world becoming that bad? Is it trying to mold America into saying certain things and take away one of the best freedoms that we have ever had.............oh yeah, they are, look at the whole Howard Stern issue, which I think is utter HorseCRAP!!! Here is a guy who fought and clawed his way into the radio business when companies where looking for "on edge" type of material, only to see it come to a possible screeching halt because someone in the FCC woke up one morning only to find a man standing at his front door saying: "I'm here for the gang bang!!" (Old School- movie reference). I mean, what is really going on, are we all becoming that anal? Are we now to refer to people by their full PC title. "This woman is my lifetime partner, her name is Jaime, and she is off Italian American decent" What ever happened to, "This hottie over heeer is my wife, she is a WOP!!" Doesn't that flow so much better (ok, stop trying to copy and past this in an e-mail to the FCC) See, I think George Carlin said it best "it is not the racial slurs or words that are bad, because in and by themselves they don't mean anything and shouldn't, it is the context in which they are used.....it is the racist ass hole who uses them!!!" Think about that next time when you are trying to sputter out a sentence in order to make it sound PC.

Alright, enough on that, like I said earlier, don't get me started on something' I might not ever stop!! As far as DAAA BEARS go, lets look at the off season with what they were able to accomplish in the last few games of the season last year. I strongly believe that with the Carnivore aka Rex Grossman, and the pieces that they plugged in via Free Agency, and with the 14th position in the draft they will be a playoff team next year. I am going with my first, of many, predictions for the upcoming NFL season. The Bears will finish either 9-7 or 10-6 with a possible NFC Central title but will be in the playoffs. John Tait and Rueben Brown, now provide the Bears with many options on the O-line which has been a point of concern for a few seasons now. Thomas Jones definitely isn't the 2nd coming of Christ but provides something the Bears haven't seen since the likes of the great Sweetness, God rest his soul!!, and that aspect is speed!! Sure the A-Train is a good RB and has gained 1,000 yds in 2 of his first 3 seasons, but lets be honest, my Grandmother is almost as fast, with her walker. She was recently timed, w/ walker mind you, with a 25.422 time in the 40, which is just being the A-Train's time. Now adding Bryan Johnson, they have a bruising type of fullback like the great Matt Suey!! The D-line will be addressed in the draft and like me and my Consigliari have talked about, this draft is so deep this year that they can possibly get 4-5 immediate impact players in the draft. Add that to one of the best draft classes in Bears history last year, and you are talking about a very young team, with no cap issues, core players signed, that could be around for a long time and only get better, hence my optimism. Now, in all fairness, we have a coaching staff of all "rookies" basically, guys that are taking on roles that they have never attempted before in the NFL. Am I concerned? Yeah, a little but with a guy named Lovie running the Bears, there is some sort of freakish comfort in that those 2 words fit together almost as well as "Good Hodgkins" as the man Larry David would say. I am not saying that the well coveted Italian Lombardi trophy will be resting in Halas Hall next year, but the team is heading up and was finally very aggressive in the Free Agent market, and under the radar, which is how I like it. Keep all the bandwagon fans in DeadWood, cause we don't need them. So start investing your stock my friends, it is going to be a BEAR Market!!

I will leave you today with what will become a ritual, a quote:

"You can get a good look at a bulls ass by sticking your head up..........no wait, you can get a good look at a bull's ass..........no wait, it's gotta be your bull!!"

Benito MussoPini