Epic post from Mussopini. Rack him! Email of the day.
Let me attack all of these as they come to me. As for Karl Malone, fuk him. I hate him, and I root for him to get clobbered every time down the floor. I see that guy score, and I get angrier than an Ethiopian with no legs watching a donut roll down a hill....
The only thing better than Gotti's Gay Grooves Vol 1, are Gotti's Gay Grooves Volumes 2 and 3. I do believe Vol 4 is in our future. And we were hyping up Ready for the World way before Kanye West. Biter... "Ill drink a bottle of Hennessey you got on your shelf..."
Let me get into this Sopranos episode. Pure gold. In the words of our two favorite cardboard cutouts....BRILLIANT! I watched it three times in the same night. That episode made up for not only the week before, but every bad episode of every show. It was good enough to make me excuse HBO for putting Arliss on air. Of course Adriana had to go, but the way they did it. They really had you thinking that Chris and her were gonna make a run for it, or go state's. Then again, I also thought he was gonna choke her ass out. I love that he choked the shit out of her, then said "I'm sorry!" and she was like, oh, that's cool. That's a good woman! The best line had to be, "Im gonna kill myself!" "Uh, I gotta take this call." Next time, Tony, just hand her a knife and say, "Can I watch?" I love that Silvio finally got some work to do, whacking that big mouth bitch. I hate the FBI, I hate all those fools. And the look on their face, when the one chick says, "She really could have fled!" and the other two look at her like, are you serious??!!?!
As for the Mob. You gotta be in construction. You can't flash that kind of money and say you are a mailman. "Uh yeah, Ill have a bottle of Cristal for me, and one for that table, and put this dinner for 12 on my tab.." SO what do you do? Oh, uh, I run a Mailboxes Etc. First, that sounds gay. Second, you gotta rep that you have some coin for a reason. Running a sanitation station, that's gotta be good cash. And union delegate, come on, fugetaboudit. Kickbacks from here until next year.
The only great think Malone ever did, by the way, was that commercial for the spray on hair, or whatever the hell he did. Finally showing what a putz he is. That guy is the only black redneck. He is whiter than you and I combined. Guy is probably living in a trailer on Wilshire, eating mayo sandwiches listening to John Cougar Mellencamp records...
Ok, legal question. I know, well, really not a whole lot, but Im in law school, so that makes me an authority damnit! Multiple life sentences are important for two reason. First, to eliminate the possibility of parole. Even if you get parole for the first offense, for whatever reason, you still have to rot for the next one, and the next one. Second, the key to any good legal ruling is to establish or maintain precedent. You can't start skimping, because then you create appealable issues in the future. You get convicted for 3 counts of murder, you need to get sentenced for each one. You can't just say, uh, yeah, you rot, peace out. I think the only exception would be death. You can only get one of those.
Hmm, the Dago President. It has potential. You could roll around in an armored IROC. Hold press conferences at the back of an Italian restaurant. "Mr President, arent you waging war for oil?" Then you just look at your "vice" president, and say, Jimmy, take Mr. Jones in the back and explain to him our policy on oil. We call him the vice pres cause he takes the guy in the back and puts his writing hand in a vice. As for Italians getting three hour lunches, why would you want to reduce the amount of time y'all are already taking? Besides, you need a three hour lunch to eat a 7 course meal. And dont tell us about a non-corrupt campaign....no one would vote for that crap! By the way, I do believe beer is already the national beverage. Shoot, ever seen a Nascar race?
Ok, it's time to speak on a real problem. That being, nerds taking over SportsCenter. These little weasels, who have never picked up a bat because they can't lift it, telling us who has the dopest slider and what is wrong with Carl Everett's swing. As much as I hate John Kruk, the guy knows what the hell he is talking about. Hell, I look at Dan Patrick, Stu Scott, Kenny Mayne...these guys played ball. They understand the nuances. But this guy!!! This is our resident expert on fantasy sports, which means he is going to tell us who the best players are. I don't trust anyone that looks like him, or Jayson Stark, or Tim Kurkjin, or John Clayton...any of these dicks with ears. Kirkjin, the freaking guy is like 3 foot 5. It's like my boy Dibble always says when someone calls him out, "Uh, how many pitches you throw in the big leagues?" I respect that....
OVERRATED--------------UNDERRATED
Karl Malone--------------------Me
Anna Kornikova-----------------Jennifer Azzi
Kathy Ireland------------------Alyssa Milano
Low-Carb Beer------------------Vodka Gimlet
Southern Rap-------------------Bay Area Rap
Gold---------------------------Silver
Men's Sandals------------------Flojos
Friends------------------------Frasier
Simpsons-----------------------Family Guy
Hot Tubs-----------------------Putting a Q-tip in your ear
Brushing-----------------------Flossing
Dagos--------------------------Spics
Iraqi Militants----------------Rock Throwing Bastards
New York-----------------------Chicago
Political Correctness----------Being an asshole
Phone calls--------------------Rock through a window
Middle Class-------------------Filthy Rich
My left nut--------------------My right nut
X------------------------------Q
Free food----------------------Free drinks
"There was an old woman who lived in a shoe...she had so many kids, her uterus fell out!"
